a first... in almost 21 months

ok, i had to share this news with you, but let me set up the back story first:

i'm not sure if you know or not, but i end up sleeping in seth's bed with him about 1/2 the night. judge me. i couldn't care less. i've heard it all! i usually put him down between 9 and 10. i lay with him and read him a few books and sing him a few songs. then i lay there and wait until he falls asleep. at that point, i come out to hang with jer, watch some dvr, or go to bed myself in my big girl bed. around, say, 2:00 seth wakes up crying and i go in and lay with him until we both fall asleep and wake up the next morning when jer comes in to say good bye for work. it's been the routine for months now. seth used to just sleep with us... much to jer's disdain. he has NEVER slept in his crib.... ever! for like a week i put him in for naps, but ended up sleeping in there with him. did you get your visual? good. anyway, we got him a queen-size bed and he's been in his own room ever since.... with mommy 1/2 the night.

i've gotten A LOT of grief from a lot of different people about our little 'arrangement' but i think i would rather put up with it than make him cry it out for a couple weeks (the amount of time his pediatrician said it would take to get him to learn how to put himself to sleep and stay asleep). it just sounds TERRIBLE!!!! i even asked jer if he thinks we should let him cry it out, and jer agreed that it seemed too cruel. i created the sleeping monster, i can deal with it....for now. we tried one night when he was about 9 months... jer called me a wuss for going in after 10 minutes, so we tried it again and i vowed to be stronger! this time, JER went in to get him! neither of us can handle it! i can't STAND the thought of him alone and terrified! again, judge me. PLEASE don't think that i frown upon other parents that teach their kids to sleep through the night! i think it's great!! i wish i could be that strong at night and not let my mind make up thoughts of seth being 16, hating me, and running off doing drugs to get back at me for making him cry it out at 20 months. i know it's delusional, but it's honestly what i think about!

well, now for the point of the rambling: last night, November 10th, 2010 seth slept through the night! the WHOLE night! like, didn't wake up until 8! i tried something a little different last night: i kept the light dimmed all night. now maybe that was just a coincidence, or maybe it helped. either way, i'm going to try it out again tonight. wish me luck!

now, seth may have gotten some great shut-eye, but i DID NOT! i was up and checking on him at least a couple times through the night. i first woke up at 4:00 and FREAKED! i ran in there to find him peacefully breathing and asleep. i woke up again around 6:00 and freaked again. again, he was fine. woke up an hour later, again, he was ok.... but this time i decided to stay with him since jer's damn alarm kept going off and i was tired of kicking him to turn it off. i have not heard jer's alarm clock in MONTHS! that's how long it's been since i've been in bed at whatever time his alarm goes off! i don't miss the alarm. at. all. but, if i can get over freaking out in the middle of the night and seth still sleeps until 8:00, i'll take it!! wait.... that won't happen, will it? #2 Luke will be here just in time to keep me on my little toes at night. man, oh man. i think i have learned my lesson, though and will try a new sleeping method with Lukey from day 1.

we'll see.